I have never been so afraid before. I locked myself in the room - there's a single chair in here, and everything is blindingly white. Outside Riëtte is patiently trying to reason with me to let her in. She's already called you to come. You are in a meeting... almost 700 km from here. I feel abandoned and cheated, among other things. Tears silently roll down my cheeks.
I try to soothe the current tearing me apart inside. I softly try to convince her that she’s safe and loved, but she is stubborn and strong-willed like me. Her cells tear away from mine, and I’m aware of an awful chilling moan, which I then realise is coming from my body.
The pain is unbearable. And then it is dark and quiet.
I don’t know how long it was before I got up and quietly unlocked the door. The chair is covered with blood; my gown, my hands, my legs, my feet.
I sit down on the floor in a corner, and that is where you and Riëtte find me, hugging my knees, staring into space.
Guilt spreads over your face like a flower in bloom. You pick me up and carry me away from the carnage. At the hospital you stroke my hair. I can’t stand your touch and I can’t look at you. You stay with me the whole night and cry when you think I’m sleeping. The mourning rips through my body like a ripe pomegranate bursting open. We convulsively grief in each other’s arms. We heal each other’s pain with our tears.
